124. Manifesting - When Did You Stop Trusting Yourself?

Welcome to The Manifesting Formula. I’m Christine Rizzo, and today we’re talking about something I think so many of us have experienced—knowing exactly what our intuition is telling us…and choosing not to listen.

Years ago, I was sitting in a car on my way to marry a man I knew I shouldn’t marry.

My Inner Goddess was screaming at me not to do it.

I heard her.

And I married him anyway.

So why do we sometimes ignore that voice inside of us, even when we hear it so clearly? And what does it really mean to trust yourself when you have no idea what comes next?

That’s what we’re talking about today.

Transcript

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Welcome to the Manifesting Formula. I'm Christine Cristo. In this week's episode, we're talking about something I think many of us have experienced. Knowing exactly what our intuition is telling us, and choosing not to listen. Years ago, I was sitting in a car on my way to marry a man I knew I shouldn't marry. My inner goddess was screaming at me not to do it. I hurt her and I married him anyway. So why do we sometimes be kind of us? Even when we hear so do it. And what does it really mean to trust yourself? You have no idea what comes next. That's what we're talking about today. So keep listening, my friends, because you won't want to miss this episode. Hello, my beautiful friends. How are you all doing on this gorgeous day wherever you are in the world? I'm feeling so good. Both of my girls were back home visiting their mama for the last 10 days, and we had so much fun together. It's so nice as they get older and become adults, you don't have to parent them anymore. I just love it. My friends, it feels so incredible to be back. I was actually going to wait to record three episodes before I released episode 123, My Cup is Full Again. But I was way too excited to wait any longer. You all enjoyed last week's episode, I hope. It was so good, right? I am so bringing back my joy. It was a little lost for a while, but it's coming back. And I promise to let you all know how I lost it and why it's so important to have when we are wanting to create and attract certain things into our life. Before we get into today's episode, let's get our vibrations high so we can start our day off with feelings of love. So tell me, tell me, my friends, what is it that you are grateful for today? Feel the love, feel the gratitude, feel those vibes of yours rise. Today, I'm grateful for my comfortable bed, my soft pillows, my comfy cozy blankets, and my eye mask that I use when I nap during the day. I love napping. It has always been a part of my life since I was a baby. I seriously have never stopped napping. I nap, both of my girls nap, the cats nap, this entire house takes naps. It's rare that a day goes by where I don't get to sneak one in. So, last week we talked about taking a pause and getting quiet enough to hear ourselves again. And there's something that happens when we get really quiet. We start hearing that voice inside of us, our inner goddess, our intuition. And it made me start thinking, when did we stop trusting that voice? Because I don't believe our intuition ever stops talking to us. I think sometimes we stop listening, and other times we know exactly what our intuition is telling us. And we choose not to listen. Those are two very different things. And my friends, oh, do I have a story for you today? I knew I shouldn't marry my first husband. And when I say I knew, I knew. But let me back up a little bit because there's another part of the story that's really important. When I became pregnant with my first daughter, Brooke, I barely knew her father. We had been dating for three weeks. Yes, three weeks. It's not even funny. And I got pregnant the first time we had sex. Now, here's what makes this even crazier. We used protection, and I was on birth control. I know. What are the chances? Less than 1%, because yes, of course I looked it up. Seriously, my friends, only me. I think it was the universe's way of saying, Christine, you've had way too many of those. Please don't let me be pregnant moments in your life. You've officially used up all your get out of jail free cards. Because apparently, two forms of birth control weren't stopping Brooke. That girl was coming. Apparently, Brooke knew she had an audience waiting for her. She was like, nope, I've got people to entertain. You can't stop me. And knowing her today, this makes complete sense to me. She's a DJ in Manhattan. She's a social media influencer. She has hundreds of thousands of people following her. Clearly, she knew she had to be on this planet. But obviously, I didn't know any of that at the time. All I knew was that I was pregnant by someone I had only been dating for three weeks. And I was freaking the fuck out. I didn't really know this person. I had no idea what my future was going to look like. And I was kind of scared, to be honest. So one day I made an appointment to go to Planned Parenthood because I was so unsure about having a baby with someone I barely knew. But every time I thought about actually going to the appointment, I had this horrible feeling inside of me. Something just didn't feel right. And I want to point this out. I didn't hear a voice right away. At first, it was a feeling. It was this incredibly strong feeling that I shouldn't go. A few days later, I heard the words, don't go through with this. What if you can never get pregnant again? Everything is going to be okay. You'll be okay. To this very day, my friends, I still remember those exact words spoken so clearly. I listened to the voice inside of me. I didn't ask anyone else what they thought that I should do. And I canceled my appointment. I didn't need anyone to tell me what was right for me. I just knew this was the right decision for me. Because something inside of me was telling me very strongly, don't go through with this. And I trusted it. I knew I was supposed to have this sweet little baby. A few weeks later, we started talking about getting married. And I remember us actually saying, hey, if it doesn't work out, we can always get divorced. Seriously, I'm not even kidding. And I kept that in the back of my head. So we decided to get married, but definitely not the traditional way. There is something I want you to all know. I didn't want to marry him. Of course, he didn't know that, I mean, but I knew. And because I was pregnant, and because I really didn't want to get married, we decided to go to the Justice of the Peace and exchange our vows. Simple, easy, sterile. No wedding, no big production. Let's just go do what we should do since we're bringing a child into the world together. And that's what we did. But I will never forget the ride there that day. I remember sitting in the car, staring out the window, and my inner goddess was screaming at me. Not whispering, my friends, not gently suggesting. She was yelling, no, no, no, don't do this. Trust me. You don't even like the guy. Please stop. Don't go through with this. Everything will work out. You'll be okay. Just don't marry him. My friends, it was that strong. And I heard every bit of it. But this time, I didn't listen. Many times I've thought about the difference between those two moments. Because with my pregnancy, my inner goddess said, Don't do it. Everything will work out. You will be okay. And I trusted her. But with the marriage, she said exactly the same thing. Don't do it. Everything will work out. You'll be okay. And I just couldn't trust the part when she said, everything will work out. Because my brain immediately started giving me all of the what ifs? What if everything doesn't work out? What if I have to go back to work? What if I can't afford to stay home with her? What if I can't give her the life I want to give her? And staying home with her every day and not having to go to work was extremely important to me. I always knew that I wanted to raise my children and stay home with them. I didn't want someone else raising them. And at that time, I knew financially her father could and would provide for us. That was never a question in my mind. I knew I could stop giving facials. I knew I could stay home and raise my baby girl. That was something I could see. That felt real for me. Listening to my intuition meant giving up that guaranteed path without knowing what would replace it. And that scared the hell out of me. But my inner goddess saying, don't marry him. Everything will work out. I couldn't see that future. And I think this is where it gets really interesting. Because sometimes it's not the message from our intuition that we don't trust. It's the unknown that comes with listening to it. Think about that for a moment. Like really think about that. I knew that I didn't want to marry him. I trusted that. What I didn't trust was what happens if I don't. And isn't that where so many of us get stuck? We feel something so strongly inside of us. We know something isn't right. We know something needs to change. We know we want something different. But then our brain says, okay, but then what? What happens next? How is this going to work? Where's the money going to come from? What if I make a mistake? What if I regret it? What if everything doesn't work out? What if listening to my intuition means giving up something that feels safe? What if, what if, what if? And suddenly that quiet knowing inside of us is competing with 50 different what ifs running through our heads. And fear gets really fucking loud. You all know what I'm talking about. I know you do. That's what happened to me. My intuition was saying, you'll be okay. And my brain was saying, yeah, prove it. Show me how. Show me exactly what my life is going to look like. Show me how I'm going to stay home with this baby. Show me how I'm going to financially support us. Show me what's going to happen next. And of course, I couldn't see any of that. So I chose what I could see. I married this man that I didn't even know. And I'm not going to sit here today and tell you that I regret that decision. I definitely don't. Because I don't know what the other road would have looked like. None of us do. Maybe I would have struggled. Maybe I wouldn't have. Maybe I still would have been able to be a stay-at-home mom. Maybe I would have ended up a single mom living with eight cats. Actually, let's not completely rule living with eight cats out. Just kidding. Three is enough for me. The point is, I don't know. And I can spend the rest of my life asking, what if I had listened? But where does that get me? Because I didn't. I chose the path that I chose. And that path became my life. I stayed in my marriage for 16 years. And I'm not going to rewrite those 16 years and tell you that every single moment was horrible. Because it wasn't. We laughed, we had good times, my girls had an incredible life. But the marriage itself was extremely difficult for me. There was a tremendous amount of control in that relationship. And emotionally, it became incredibly painful for me. There were many times during those 16 years when I knew I wanted to leave, but I stayed. I made the choice to stay for my girls. And in doing that, I sacrificed a lot of my own happiness. With my girls, I could be completely myself. But in my marriage, I couldn't. I knew who I was inside, but I couldn't fully be that person while I was married to him. And I lived that way for a very long time, until eventually I couldn't anymore. There came a point when I realized I couldn't keep sacrificing myself in order to keep the marriage together. My inner goddess hadn't suddenly become louder after 16 years. I had known for a very long time. I was finally ready to act on what I already knew. And that's when I left. And you know what happened after that? I started changing. I became myself again. And I started doing the work within. I started growing. I became a life coach. I started understanding my thoughts and my emotions. My spirituality grew. My relationship with my intuition grew. My relationship with myself completely changed. And sometimes I think, what if I had known then what I know now? What if I had the tools then that I eventually learned as a coach? What if I understood myself then the way I understand myself today? Would the marriage have been different? Would I have stayed? Would we have worked things out? Would I have ever gotten divorced? And there we go again. What if? I can what if the shit out of my entire life, my friends? But I was not that woman that I needed to become. And this is something I really believe today. I grew when I was ready to grow. My spiritual growth happened when it happened because that's when it was meant to happen. My awakening happened when it was supposed to. The lessons came when I was ready to learn them. I don't need to go backward and expect younger Christine to understand everything that I understand today. I can love her for making the choices she made with what she knew at the time. Because here's something else. My second daughter, Katie, came from that marriage. And if I hadn't gotten into that car, if I had listened to my inner goddess that day, if I had told him to turn the car around, Katie wouldn't be here. And I cannot look at my daughter today and wish away the path that brought her to me. I wouldn't. Not for anything. So was the road difficult? Absolutely. Did I learn lessons? I probably wouldn't have volunteered to learn that way. You damn right I did. But there was also so many beautiful moments on that path. There was love on that path, there were my girls, there was growth, there were lessons, and eventually I found my way back to myself. And that's why today, I don't believe trusting your intuition means you are somehow guaranteed this perfectly easy life. Nor do I believe that if you don't listen, you've somehow failed. Your intuition can speak to you, your inner goddess can scream at you, and you can still get to choose. I did, but I do believe this. We should always pay attention when something inside of us is speaking that strongly. Don't immediately dismiss it because you can't explain it. Don't silence it because it doesn't fit into the plan you've already made. Don't assume it's wrong simply because you can't see what comes next. Just listen to it. Get curious. Ask yourself, what is this feeling trying to tell me? Because your intuition may not be able to show you exactly how everything is going to work out. It may not give you the next 10 steps. It may simply be telling you, pay attention. And sometimes that's all we need to know right now. So how do we know when it's actually our intuition talking to us? Because let's be honest, my friends, we have a lot of thoughts running through our heads every single day. And just because we think something doesn't mean it's our inner goddess trying to tell us something. Trust me, I have a lot of thoughts. Sometimes I don't even know where half of them come from. One thought turns into another thought, which turns into another thought, and before you know it, you've created an entire story in your head that hasn't even happened or isn't even true. But that's why learning to recognize your intuition is so important. Because fear has a voice too. So does anxiety, so does ego, so do our old beliefs, so do our past experiences. And sometimes all of those voices can get really loud. So, how do we begin to understand the difference? For me, I get quiet, I sit still, I meditate, I go within and I listen. I've been doing this for years, and over time, I've learned what my intuition feels like. I've learned to recognize that knowing within me, that loving voice. And the more I've listened to it, the more I've learned to trust it. Sometimes I use my pendulum, and of course I have Daniel. Now, if you're new to this podcast and you're sitting there thinking, who the hell is Daniel? Is Christine having an affair? No, absolutely not. Go back and listen to episode 25. Who is Daniel and where did he come from? I explain exactly who Daniel is, how that name came to me during meditation, and why I use the name Daniel when I'm talking about our creator. But the important part is that over the years, I've learned how to get quiet enough to recognize when something feels different. And the more I've practiced listening, the more I've learned to trust myself. That doesn't mean I'm always right. That's important. Self-trust does not mean Christine knows everything. Although, again, my sun, moon, Mercury, and Neptune, and Sagittarius will prove you different. My poor husband. Self-trust doesn't mean every decision I make is going to work out exactly the way I want it to. It doesn't mean I'll never change my mind. It doesn't mean every choice I make is going to lead me exactly where I thought it would. Sometimes those choices lead us to lessons we didn't even know we needed to learn. To me, self-trust means I trust myself enough to listen. I trust myself enough to sit with what I'm feeling. I trust what I'm feeling, even when I don't completely understand where it's coming from. And I trust myself enough to know that if I choose a road and it becomes difficult, I'll figure out what comes next. Maybe that's what younger Christine couldn't trust yet, sitting in that car. Everything will work out, because I thought that meant I needed to know how. But today, I don't need to know how. I just need to trust that I'll figure it out along the way. And maybe that's what trusting yourself really means. My friends, I want you to think about your own life for a minute. Was there ever something your intuition was trying to tell you that you didn't want to listen to? Not because you didn't feel it, you did, but listening to it might have meant changing something, leaving something, letting something go, or stepping into something completely unknown. Maybe you knew a relationship wasn't right for you. Maybe you knew you weren't happy where you were. Maybe you knew it was time to make a change, but you had absolutely no idea what your life would look like if you actually made it. So instead, you stayed where you were. You chose what you knew over what you couldn't see yet. I did. I chose the future I could see because I wasn't ready to trust the one I couldn't. And whatever you choose at the time, you had your reasons. Maybe you were scared, maybe you weren't. Maybe you simply did what felt right for you at that moment. And that's okay. You don't have to go back and question every choice you've ever made. Maybe beautiful things came from the road you chose. Maybe some really hard things came from it too. For me, it was both. And I wouldn't change the beautiful parts of my story just to erase the difficult ones. I want you to try to start becoming aware of that voice again. So maybe sometime today, give yourself five minutes, put your phone down, turn everything off. It's only five minutes, my friends. Sit quietly and think about something in your life that you've been confused about. Something you can't seem to make a decision on. Instead of trying to figure it all out, get quiet. Stop thinking about all the what ifs for a minute. And just pay attention to what you're feeling inside. What is your inner goddess trying to tell you? And then shut up. Seriously, shut up. Don't answer yourself immediately. Don't start making lists. Don't start explaining. Don't start giving yourself all the reasons something can or can't happen. Just listen. Maybe something comes. Maybe it doesn't. That's okay. You're building a relationship with yourself. And relationships take time. The more you practice hearing that voice, the more you'll begin recognizing it. And the more you recognize it, the easier it becomes to trust it. Because your inner goddess hasn't gone anywhere. She's still there, and she's not going anywhere. She's stuck with you, my friends, but you just need to shut up every once in a while to hear what she's trying to tell you. Maybe she's been whispering to you. Maybe she's been nudging you. Maybe she's been screaming at you for years and you keep making the same mistakes. My friends, she's there. The question is, are you listening? And when you do hear it, do you trust it? Because sometimes it's not your intuition that we don't trust. It's whether we'll be okay if we actually listen to what it's telling us. And maybe that's where the trust really comes in. You don't need to know exactly what's going to happen. You don't need to know how it's all going to work out. Sometimes you just have to trust what you already know within yourself. I couldn't do that sitting in the car all those years ago. I needed to know that everything was going to be okay. I needed to know how. Today, I don't. Today, when my inner goddess speaks to me, I listen. Because after all these years, I've learned something. The more I trust that voice within me, the more I trust myself. Because when you truly learn to trust yourself, you stop needing all the answers before you're willing to take the next step. So get quiet, my friends. Be still and listen. I promise you, there is so much wisdom already inside of you. You just have to trust yourself enough to hear it. Thank you all for listening to the Manifesting Formula. Have a beautiful day wherever you are in the world, sending you all so much love, peace, and abundance. And if no one has told you today, I love you. See you all soon. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to the Manifesting Formula podcast. Each week we're going to talk about manifesting, mindset, spirituality, intuition, gratitude, and of course for your life, because that's usually where things get interesting. If you're enjoying this podcast, I would love for you to help me spread the word. Tell your friends, tell your family, share your favorite episode. And if you know someone who can use a little Christine in their life, send them my way. And make sure you're following the manifesting formula so you don't miss a new episode. Thank you for continuing to show up and spend time with me. I'm so grateful for all of you. I'll see you in the next episode. Bye.